Slave Beaver Revolt
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Big Town Wizard King
John was raised in Industrial Ireland. There was not much industry in Ireland, but there was a coal mine. He worked there from the age of five, for his family was very poor. The mine was a noisy environment, and after his hearing had been damaged he began to find the mechanical groans and bangs to be strangely rhythmical and tuneful, and on his ninth birthday he received a saucepan for his birthday—the first saucepan he had ever seen! He mistook it for a musical instrument, and began to scratch and bang on it with pieces of coal while whistling strange, guttural tunes.
After a binge of potato beer on his thirteenth birthday he decided to pursue a career in industrial music. He had all the credentials—he had once worked in industry—but there was not much market for it in Ireland, for the sound of the mine drowned out most noise. He left to make his way in the world, and after several tough years of cheap, sordid performances in L.A. that all ended in him stripping, he was lucky enough to met Banjohmin.
Slave Beaver Revolt was formed as a one-off project to help John cope with the shame that he felt for after the shoes he would sexually pleasure the patrons in the women's bathroom for tips. Banjohmin introduced him to speed, and in a drug-induced binge John made some non-industrial music. The gargantuan effort recording to complete Freud and the Terror was so great that it took six months to complete. After this, neither of them wanted to do anything more together. They'd created one masterpiece, and John had become so addicted to the speed that he spent most of the time recording his twitching, which Banjohmin felt obliged to form into industrial compositions—it was Banjohmin who had introduced him to speed after all!
However it was not long before they bumped into a young yachtsman from New Zealand. He had heard the song from across the globe, and felt so inspired by it that he yachted his way to L.A.. He was there as a groupie, but when he saw the sorry state that both John and Banjohmin were in he decided to do something about it. He threw sandwiches at both of them until they were both sober, and John was so taken with the sound the sandwiches made as they hit his face that he immediately offered Alejandrobot a position in the band for that very purpose, and it can be heard on some of Slave Beaver Revolt's earlier compositions.
What turned Slave Beaver Revolt away from industrial composition is not exactly known, but there are rumours that John was visited by Elvis Presley's ghost during withdrawal symptoms, and that he was told to focus on his old-style rock 'n roll, and that Banjohmin was almost assassinated by 2pac's ghost for making an industrial version of California love which turned it into a love song between Dr. Dre and 2Pac.
However 2Pac told Banjohmin that he would let him live if he focused on his rapping, so impressed was the late great. Perhaps less fantastical is the story that Alejandrobot became John's new supplier (cook speeding in the brig of his yacht) and the price that John paid for it was to live his industrial roots behind, for Alejandrobot wanted to focus on the now, not the past. None of this is verifiable, but it's all that the world has to go on. There was another story involving a hooker full of speed, three transsexual groupies, and a nasty case of herpes and a lot of potato beer, however the band has done its best to keep that one under wraps. Take that as you will.
And the rest, as the say, is history. History that is composed in another edition of the band's history.
Top SongsTotal plays on Last.fm over the last 6 months
- Wintersons - 82 plays
- Space Song: 1999 - 52 plays
- Torquay - 74 plays
- Mellow - 57 plays
- The Station - 54 plays
- Darkness of Assorted Voices - 41 plays
- Barbershop Blues - 40 plays
- Anti-Christian - 37 plays
- The Motherfucker Blues - 37 plays
- Freud and The Terror Train ft. ElToro and Shiralea Kingpin - 47 plays